


Selfishness

by qrantaire (rivenjolras)



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Gay dads, M/M, Pregnancy, Really Schmoopy bullshit, Transgender Sole Survivor, ending spoilers, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 19:56:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5883586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivenjolras/pseuds/qrantaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I think you’ll be a great father.” Kieren grins.</p>
<p>Deacon laughs at that, and it’s completely genuine. “I’ll be sure to remember you said that when I feed our child nothing but Fancy Lads and Sugar Bombs.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfishness

**Author's Note:**

> This is super self-indulgent. Likely going to be part of a series on Ginger Dads Navigating Fatherhood. : - )

The moon is full tonight, and the light from it streams in from the window by the bed. The bed where Kieren is currently laying, with Deacon’s arm wrapped around him, and his hand on his stomach. It’s rounded, and pretty soon it will be obvious to even strangers. Kieren suspects Deacon will start dropping hints about how much physical activity he does and how he should rest more, any day now. And Kieren, honestly, can’t think of a reason why he shouldn’t. There’s no more synths to save. Most are shuffled out of the Commonwealth into less hyperaware areas where their behavior isn’t scrutinized. The ones that remain are under the protection of the Minutemen and the Railroad. The hatred will die down eventually.

And yet, Kieren cannot sleep. His flesh and blood son is ash, and the son he has slowly grown to love will watch his father pass away. Father hated him, but still allowed Kieren to squeeze his hand before he pressed the button that destroyed him. His son’s hand was weak, veiny, and so visibly aged in his own. Will Shaun the synth age? Will he press his small, delicate, childlike hand into Kieren’s, compare it like Kieren did with the original Shaun? Every person in this Commonwealth is used to radiation, their bodies have been processing the damage and filtering it their entire lives. How long did someone like him have? How many years?

Kieren gasps suddenly, and quickly stifles it. Tears seem to come much easier these days. When he was carrying Shaun, he had Nate beside him. Access to the world’s greatest medical care. Death hadn’t touched his life so intimately, robbing him. Not yet. But this time, he passes his nights, sometimes in shacks barely standing with a radiation storm raging outside. Sometimes he sleeps next to six other people in the underground Headquarters of the organization he’s been a spy for. It’s a very different world.

He feels Deacon wake next to him. The man is a light sleeper, and makes very little noise. The only clue is the soft exhale on the back of Kieren’s neck, and a slight shift. “Hey.” Deacon says softly, his voice a little rough from sleep. “Why are you up, babe?” He absently rubs Kieren’s stomach with his palm. It’s something he did before all of this happened. Before they decided in the haze of their victory against the Institute that conceiving a child wasn’t the worst idea they’ve ever had. Kieren tenses.

Deacon stops the motion immediately. “Boss?” He asks, slowly.

Kieren rolls onto his back with a little difficulty, and looks into Deacon’s eyes. The man blinks, but doesn’t make a move to cover them. A sign of how long they’ve been so close. Kieren opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He shuts it, furrows his brow. Deacon patiently waits for him to try again.

“Do you think it’s selfish? To raise a child in this world? To bring in another one when there are children, dying and starving out there?” Kieren’s voice breaks towards the end. _To try to replace what I had? What I lost?_ He doesn’t say. But Deacon already knows.

Deacon props his head up on his arm, considers his answer carefully. “No, I don’t.” He takes a breath. “Why do you think that?”

“I don’t know. I just do.” Kieren murmured.

“Okay.” Deacon starts slowly. “Do you remember what you did? You know, destroyed the biggest, scariest bogeyman of the Commonwealth?”

“Of course I do.” Kieren answers.

“Good. Glad your memory isn’t going yet. And do you remember what they were doing? Replacing people? Enslaving living, breathing beings? Does that ring any bells?” 

“Yeah.”

“Do you know what eviscerating the Institute means? To the future of the Commonwealth? To the synths you helped? To _me_ …?” Deacon reaches out to touch Kieren’s face. “You managed, in less than a year, to take out an organization that has been terrorizing everyone for as long as I can remember.” Deacon leans in close, his lips less than an inch from his. “I think, if anyone deserves this, it’s you.”

Kieren smiles, and lets Deacon kiss him. The man’s breath is terrible, and they both need to wash up. But the kiss is warm, firm, and perfect. Kieren turns onto his side, and when he does, Deacon pulls him flush against him. They don’t quite fit together the way they did a month ago, and the thought of what the next coming months will bring is only a little daunting.

“You know what I think?” Kieren whispers. 

“Mm?”

“I think you’ll be a great father.” Kieren grins.

Deacon laughs at that, and it’s completely genuine. “I’ll be sure to remember you said that when I feed our child nothing but Fancy Lads and Sugar Bombs.”


End file.
